she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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