If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
