So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
