everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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