I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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