It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
