his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
