she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
