I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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