if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize