My hand turned me down
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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