So drunk, too bad you don't want this
another moral hangover. fuck.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
