I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
