Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
