carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
