He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Enjoy the penises
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize