Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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