i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
