its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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