Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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