If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
