is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
