dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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