I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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