U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
