I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
