Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
