Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
