New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you would pick up someone in the library
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize