I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
