Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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