i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
