Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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