She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
