smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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