We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
