TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
