its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
