dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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