The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This house was built for laser tag.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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