She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
