My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
