It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize