when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
