I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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