We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
