I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
