Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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