Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm like, not good at living.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
