piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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