I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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