I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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