Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
