I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
