I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize