wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
