He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize