I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize