my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize