is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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