So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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