At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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