im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
