The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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