My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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